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broken constellation
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Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Sixteen ~
all love ever does is break and burn and end...
I know it's been another hundred years since I've updated my blog, and for that, I apologize. The hell-bound life of a teen peppered with exams to pass, expectations to live up to, boys to dissect and study, and - for crying out loud - blogs to update!? Yes, being a teen is never easy. Anyway, time shouldn't be wasted on any of my rantings again. Straight to the point: my family and I, and also with my aunt and her family, are going to Taiwan next Wednesday. yippeeeee* ^0^ I promise to blog about every single detail of the trip once I get back. This time, I'm keeping my promise. For real.
 And speaking about promises, I remembered promising you guys that I would take loads of pictures of my KOREA photo album and post them here once I'm done with it. Well, I finished it about two weeks ago when the school holidays just started. Mom said it looks fantastic with all those eye-popping colors, dad said it brings back memories of us in Korea, my sis said it is a combination of junk that makes it a work of art. LOL* It's the first home project I've ever done by myself, but of course I did get some help from mom. I even got to put mommy's junkyard-size collection - perfume boxes, lace from the hems of all her old skirts, magazine ads, candy wrappers, buttons of every shape and size and shade - to good use. ^ ^  I can't wait to show you guys the album, any day but not today, sorry. I was supposed to take at least one picture of that album once I finished it, but...I forgot. Obviously. =_= With a brain the size of a pea and a memory storage of 2 on the scale from 1 to 10, who can blame me really!? TROLL FACE* :P But hey, I've got a picture of something else, check it out guys! XD 
I was born for art, not exams.
Boredom got the better of me after I finished my Civic paper today. Civic...obviously a subject no one minds failing. So yeah, I doodled on the back of the paper. ;)
Labels: sweet serendipity, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Fifteen ~
I say I hate you, we break up. You call me, I love you.
"Tick...tock...tick...tock" The sound of time slipping through the spaces between my fingers when I try to grasp it was utter aggravation. All we had left were 20 minutes and a collage of incomplete towers and messily glued flowers. Capable but panicky fingers pass scissors around the paper-strewn table, tear pieces of colored paper, dab them into a small pool of glue and swiftly paste them onto the black cardboard. Well, I suppose you guys already get the idea of it, so before I move on, allow me...
I’m back people!!
Really sorry about my more-than-a-month disappearance guys, not that it's the first time my mere proof of existence has vanished or something. heh* It's already September, and final exams are just a few weeks to go, but let's just put that aside. For now. Because now, I've got a handful of untold stories which I'm about to tell. (Okay, maybe just one!) Get your popcorn ready, because this is going to be dreadfully LONG.
Group photo.♥
Yup, we went to Inti College today for an event called 'One Malaysia Intercultural Day & Food Fest'. :) There were 6 different competitions - Unity Tower competition, poster/collage competition, Fashion Recycle competition, baking competition, mocktail competition, and finally...the telematch. I participated in the poster/collage competition with my 7 other friends from my school. Everything was kind of a last-minute preparation, and we didn't exactly know what we were supposed to do. Because two days ago it was a poster competition, one day ago it was a collage competition, and today...it was a poster/collage competition. =.= Two days ago it was an individual competition, one day ago a lady called and told us we need to work in pairs, and today...we worked in a group of 5.
Carmen & Hui Ying.
There were 40 of us, and we all gathered at school waiting for the bus to arrive. The competition was supposed to start at 10a.m. sharp, but due to all the long speeches given and catwalks performed, time was unforgiving. We were then led into a room where the competition was going to be held. To our greatest relief, they did provide us colored paper, scissors, glue, and glitter. Yes, even glitter. But not to our greatest relief, we were given merely 45 minutes to complete a 50cm-long poster/collage. We were all like, You've gotta be kidding me. There were 8 of us joining the competition, so 3 of them were forced to team up with the contestants from other schools.
And so, let the competition begin! We used Leah's previous idea, which was pretty nice, but clearly shredded paper would look less appealing on it when compared with paint. Our collage was kind of a disaster, our fingers were caked with glue; our knees were on the verge of paralysis due to excessive kneeling, bending and standing. The main problem we were facing is that we had too many ideas but with too little time. Just when I thought, Could this day get any worse?, it just did. We were running out of time, or should I say time was running ahead of us!? "20 minutes left people," announced a man. As if things weren't bad enough already, we were facing another crucial problem - communication meltdown. There were a few - okay, actually just one, but I don't think it's a good idea to point out who it was - failed to understand English. =_= And another one couldn't articulate in Chinese very well. So, it was sort of like two asteroids from completely different planets clashing into each other and therefore creating an annihilation of mankind.
Nevertheless, we couldn't finish it. Most parts of the cardboard were left untouched; gaps here and there, vacant spaces we grew tired of counting. At last, each group had to elect a group representative to do a brief explanatory speech on the work we had done. And, unfortunately for me - the only one who could do a speech spontaneously without stuttering or shaking - I was the group representative. When the panel of judges walked towards our table, words just started pouring out from my lips; words that actually made sense, words jumbled up with prefixes, random words. After the judges gave an approving nod only I allowed myself to rethink the words I had said. The others told me I did a pretty good job, but still...it wouldn't help us win, it couldn't. I mean, how could we possibly beat the rest with an incomplete masterpiece, especially when the others have finished it just in time?! 
Our unfinished poster/collage *but still feeling proud
From left: Leah, me, Hui Ying, Bao Qi and Zi Qing
Zi Qing & Carmen
After lunch, the awards were given out to all the winners, and of course, I'm not one of them. :( Well, at least our school won 2 awards - one for the fashion thingy, the other for the mocktail-making competition. I can't deny the fact that I hoped I could shoot one of them down and make the prize mine, but deep down inside, I am happy for them. Truly. After all, with their explosive creativity and undeniable talents, they totally deserve it. And as for my team, let's just take it as another lesson learnt: winning isn't everything, but the road to it is. :)
Carmen & Bao Qi
Leah: Haiiiiii....this sucks la!
Zi Qing: If they give us 2 hours, we'll definitely win one you know.
Leah: I know right...
Me: Maybe it's 'cause our group got too many pros with too many ideas, that's why we lost!!?
Leah and Zi Qing: =_='''
(P.S: Sorry 'bout the broken English here, that's just how we Malaysians speak. LOL~)
 Labels: wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Fourteen ~
Bonjour lovelies! I know it's almost been a month, and goodness me, it's already August. Time sure flies, especially when we're not paying much attention. Just so you know, I have many other things to pay attention to. Things like...my English oral tomorrow, my Chemistry assignment, my tuition homework; things like...learn how to manage my time, learn how to resist the temptation of chocolate and Tumblr, learn how to study in front of a TV, learn how to put up with taunts and insults without eventually bursting into a series of vulgar words, learn how to smile in the face of my nemesis, learn how to be ignorant, and LAST but not LEAST, learn how to stop caring too much about what people think of me. Well, actually, the ONLY problem that's bugging me most right now is that I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME.
And all those years I've been striving unknowingly to live up to people's expectations. The expectations of my classmates. The expectations of teachers. The expectations of complete strangers. The expectations of strangers whom I once shared my memories with. Yes, unknowingly. Call me stupid, idiotic, ignorant, foolish...whatever, I don't give a damn! I've just got to stop being everyone else's puppet, stop listening to what others say, stop giving up my dignity just to make people like me. Enough is ENOUGH. And yes, I'm talking to myself again. =_=
Our class has moved, only temporarily, but it's still better than I expected because our class is now next to my friend's. HOOOOOOORRRAAAAAAYYY!! Now I don't have to walk more than a mile to see my friends, not that I don't have any in my class. :/ Okay, maybe it's really THAT obvious. I don't have any real friends in my class, they're just...well, classmates. Nothing more. I used to have two best friends, but now it seems like they've abandoned me. For good. But it's not entirely their fault, I mean, who can blame a guy and a girl who are madly in love with each other for abandoning their friend, right??! Yeah, now you know. They're a couple, they're in love, they're better off without me. :'( So this is me, lonely me, typing these bitter words into this paragraph of rants. sighs*
Well, look at the bright side, at least I still have friends on the other side of my world, which some people don't. I promised not to write out their names, but I just can't, can I?! Lik Joon, Jah Yee...if you guys are reading this, don't get offended, because you'll always have me as a light-bulb, the one that shines brightest. If you know what I mean... XD
Labels: no longer secrets, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Thirteen ~
Where have the times gone? Baby, it's all wrong.
Where are the plans we made for two?
Bonjour les amis. It's been almost a month since I posted something here, and for that I'm truly sorry. But if you're wondering how I've been these days and planning to say 'So how are you? Must be better than ever, huh?!', then DON'T start. My days are not meant to go well, as if it's an irredeemable law that I can't have the life I've desperately pleaded for. Well, that's life I guess. Homework's the same, teachers...yeah, definitely the same. The only thing I can be happy about is my exam results, though my mom still claims it to be the same poor grades of one A+, one A, four B+s, two B-s, and two Cs - nothing much to be proud of, really. But at least there's been a great deal of improvement, which as a matter of fact, is something to be proud of. No one knows my mom like I do. She's not a bad mom, in fact she can go pretty crazy sometimes; she's just skeptical, a little judgmental, and like every mom - very 'NAGGY'. Her voice is always ringing in my head, telling me I can never make it to Stanford with grades like these unless I plunge myself in hours of extreme studying and brain-juicing. Right through the heart. Where dreams are too high to reach. sighs* :'(
I suppose that's enough ranting for a day. grunts* I have to think positive, think happy; think of something that will eventually cheer me up, something like...
THIS:
Or something like THIS:
And they lived happily ever after.Typical. Just what I need - another cliche. What I need right now is something that would cheer me up, make me smile a little...not make me feel worse by telling me that Prince Charming is real and mine unfortunately got lost somewhere and is too stubborn to ask for directions; that happily-ever-afters do exist and I'm not part of any of them. Typical.
And all those fairy-tales are full of shit.
One more stupid love song I'll be sick.
Oh great, what happened to 'think positive, think happy'?! Vanished into thin air, perhaps. I hate to do it, but I've just got to stop fueling myself with false hope and mindless fantasies. It's time for me to wake up. Seriously WAKE UP. Well, it's never too late to escape from Cinderella's castle and into the world where reality awaits. Not to offer you another prince, but to crush you alive. Harsh, I know.
Forgive me for being such a whiner, I just can't help it. Whenever I'm feeling down, extremely DOWN, I doodle! It's something that can make me forget the world and everything else. And just by talking about it, my spirit lightens a bit. So, here's something that I drew a few days ago. I was dying of boredom back then, I had to have something in my notebook.
I found this on Tumblr, and it actually made me smile. :)
This was found on Tumblr as well. Beautiful, isn't it?
See?! Never underestimate the power of ART. It unleashes trapped souls, creates worlds without boundaries, unites people, and always brings back the smile on your face. :) I can feel the ends of my lips slowly curving into a smile already. An ode to doodles - my best friend.
You make my life complete,
with your strokes and stenciled curves;
You put back those stars in my eyes,
with your jolly mess of ink blots and lines;
You,
have doodled your way into my heart.
I guess I could be a poet after all. tongue sticking out* Well, this is goodbye again! So long guys, I'll probably be back after another month of disappearance, or maybe a few months. Who knows?!
Dedicated to all Directioners out there - have a lovely weekend. :)
Labels: life is a roller-coaster, no longer secrets, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Twelve ~
Hi guys! :) I've got nothing much to write about today, actually. I read through every single blog post I had written for the past few months and I realized that I've come all this way - from the childlike girl with her unquenchable penchant for joyful dreams and foolish schemes to the girl I am now. Molded, sculpted, and perhaps...grown. When I fell, there was always someone to pick me up again. When I cried, there was always someone to lend me a shoulder. But when I loved, or at least tried to, there wasn't anyone who could understand, or at least try to. No, don't worry, this ain't a lesson about love and all those mushy romance, this is a lesson about life and everything else that's in it. Love...sigh*, is just part of life - something that always spirals out like a frenzied whirlwind. But no matter how much you loathe it, you still have to love it in the end. Love LOVE?!! Yeah, that's right. Love LOVE; inhale it, embrace it, feel it. But don't ever ask for more.
Seriously, I mean it. Don't ever ask for more. It's just a way of killing yourself - an unpleasant way. One more step and you'd find yourself drowning, gasping for air, screaming for someone to come to your aid. But the truth is, no one can save you, no one can pull you out of that abyss. No one but yourself. Many thirst for love, but can never get enough of it. And an avalanche is what they get - a huge mass of snow crashing down the Earth's horizon, sweeping you off your feet, blanketing every inch of your body, making your heart cold.... Cold enough to hate yourself, to hate this world, to hate love, but at the same time, thirst for more (GAWD...now I'm making it sound like an apocalypse awaiting at your doorstep). Well, as I was saying, love can't be begged for, it's something that can only be freely given. You shouldn't be begging, what you should be doing is start by learning how to love yourself. Because how in the world could you love when you're not even sure of love itself? And how in the world could you expect someone to love you when you don't even love yourself? Don't drown yourself in endless thirst, shower yourself with love and affection instead. When you feel unloved and unwanted, always bear in mind that there's always someone out there who loves you, someone out there waiting to be loved by you.
* * * * * * * * * End of speech. 
I happened to find this on Tumblr, and just realized that this is what I've been looking for all along. This is what I've always wanted to ask HIM. What?! I'm just being a little curious, okay? And besides, no harm done. Though the saying 'curiosity kills the cat' keeps ringing in my head every now and then. I just want to know, I NEED to know. Because this guy...he just drives me insane, crazy, mad, NUTS. Sometimes, his actions make me believe that everything I used to believe in is real all along, and that we're truly meant to be; but other times, his actions are simply just grinders that crush expectations into dust, forcing me to accept the fact that everything I wanted so badly to believe in is nothing but a bunch of lies. I don't hate him, really. I'm just mad at him, REALLY MAD.
Why on Earth are boys so complicated, so hard to understand? Why is it just so hard to see through his skull and into his train of thoughts?? And people say women are the most complicated beings with the most connective networks in their brains...yeah, right!!? Boys...sigh* and sigh* and SIGH*, nothing but a pack of annoying creatures that has no better toys to play with than a stolen heart. BOYS, I DESPISE YOU!! Filthy, self-absorbed, obnoxious, untamed scoundrels of all sorts!! fire raging*
(To readers: If you're a guy reading this, then...no offence, really. I just couldn't help it, you know.) I guess I'll just end today's post with something I love to call 'One Di-Cat-ion'! laughs* 
From left to right: Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Niall Horan
Once a Directioner,
always a Directioner.
♥♥♥♥
Labels: life is a roller-coaster, no longer secrets, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Eleven ~
 
Though I'm planning not to utter a word about how my exams went....still, I know I have to.
English: I have every confidence in my essay, though the topic I chose had its risks. But hey, I'm always up for a challenge. grins*
Chinese: Bad, REALLY bad.
Malay: I screwed it up...like usual.
Math: It didn't exactly go well...but I'm praying for an A-.
Additional math: Let's not talk about it. EVER.
Biology: Probably a B+, I assume...
Chemistry: Two words - Damn it!!
Physics: Just one word - DOOMED.
History: Two letters - O.K.
Moral: Four letters - S.H.I.T.
The only subject that I'm capable of getting an A for is English - yes, the one and only. I suppose I won't fail any of the 10 subjects, but merely passing isn't what I've aimed for. Now I'm beginning to feel a splinter of regret boring through my chest - if I hadn't studied with my ass rooted in front of the TV, my eyes wouldn't have unwittingly wandered off from my Physics textbook and I wouldn't have had sleepless nights in fear of seeing a huge 'F' in my dreams; if I hadn't studied with face plastered against the computer screen, my fingers would've been free from hovering across the keyboard and I wouldn't have nearly suffered from a cardiac arrest and died at this very young age. Curse you TV!! Curse you Tumblr!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. heaving a groan of despair* My fault, actually. I can't blame anyone but myself... :( I just succumbed to temptation, and what's worst is that I didn't even hesitate to. I'M SUCH A BORN LOSER. :((((((((((((((((((((
Well, you can never change anything that's in the past, so I might as well look at the bright side and - for the sake of my sanity - move on (even when there's no bright side and no particular reason to move on). making troll faces* But here's something that I can be happy about: for the past week, I've been working on an important project - 'Trip to Korea 2012' photo album. Have I ever mentioned that I'm an amateur album designer?! :) I can't wait to show it to you guys, totally CAN'T WAIT. Once I'm done, I'll post a few pictures of the album on my blog - this, I promise. :)
I've no idea why, but I just feel like making a list of the things I'm recently obsessed and in love with. Well, here goes nothing:
1. Taeyon's gorgeous curls♥
2. TaeTiSeo's first debut album - Twinkle♥
3. Hokkaido cakes♥
4. Floral skirts♥
5. Furniture in a palette of vintage pastels♥
6. Fuzzy puppies♥
7. The way balloons waltz in the air♥
8. Books with yellowed pages♥
9. London (though I've never been there before)♥
10. Autumn leaves♥
I'm pretty sure that's all of it. So what are your recent obsessions?! If you don't mind letting me know, you can just drop me a message or leave a comment. It's about time I go back to work - my album awaits! Bye guys, may the rest of your evening be as lovely as you! :) ♥
 Labels: sweet serendipity, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Ten ~
It's been almost forever since I laid a finger on my blog - forgotten and abandoned in the ashes of death. Yes, the death of my blog has slowly brought death upon me.... :( Anyway, I really didn't mean to abandon my blog or any of you guys. You see, mid-term exams are around the corner, so I've been studying my ass off these days; digging through heaps of simultaneous equations and logarithms, wondering how in the world cell division works, racking up relative atomic masses upon molecular formulas, and trying to resist the greatest temptation of all - my laptop. Yeah, life really sucks without it, but what other options am I left with?? None. :'( My first exam was a disaster, and there's no way I'll be able to make it till graduation next year without putting in the least bit of effort in my studies, right? I mean, it's only fair this way. sigh* And besides, my mom has had high expectations for me, I can't possibly let her down again.
Exams scare me, but what scares me most is....ME. Myself. I don't know whether it is just me or every confused teen girl out there. You're afraid yet desperate to fall in love. And when it comes, you lose control, freak out, start talking to yourself; then you write about it on your blog, list out all the things to say to him, play cool in front of him when deep down inside you're actually on the verge of exploding into an ecstatic inferno, and when he talks to you - that's when things go crazy - you can't take it. But is this really love? You don't know, or you refuse to know. Because love's something so complicated that some spend all their lives just to understand it. Something we, teenagers, have to run from until we find the courage to confront it. We are, after all, still immature beings. In other words - young, innocent, kids.
I think it'll take me a couple of years to understand, but hey, I'm only 16, still got plenty of years to spend if you ask me. Well, I guess I better stop here now...you know, before I begin ranting and rambling about my upside-down, bittersweet life.
 Labels: life is a roller-coaster, no longer secrets, wimpi-ness Diary Of A Wimpy Teen ~ Chapter Nine ~
I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKKKK.
Yes, I'm making a surprise comeback after a few weeks of mysterious disappearance. snorts* The best of me is still in Korea, but the rest - you probably know this better than I do - are remnants of my undiminished wimpi-ness! Holidays came to a screeching halt, and I - once again - was catapulted into the quagmire I've been trying to escape from all my life - SCHOOL. :( Remember that time when I told you how horrible my so-called friends were to me?! Okay, maybe I didn't exactly mention that, but anyway, everything seems to be quite alright now - I've made a couple of new friends, mostly BOYS. Now don't get me wrong guys, it's not that I've been transmogrified into a flirt or a whore OR A TOTAL BITCH by some sort of evil sorcery; it's just that BOYS are...BOYS. Here are...
10 reasons why BOYS are more fun to hang out with:
(P.S: For female readers ONLY.)
1. They make themselves rather useful by helping you carry your
EXTREMELY heavy schoolbag.
2. They don't get mad easily; even if you hit them hard on their
shoulders or shout in their ears for no particular reason (they
basically just say 'Hey, what did you do that for?' and nothing comes next). haha*
3. They're good at forgetting. Trust me, they don't even need to try to do it.
4. They don't judge you (and neither do they like being judged).
5. They know exactly how to have fun. ;)
6. They LISTEN and KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT.
7. They do have a certain creativity when it comes to turning your frown upside-down. :)
8. They make tacky jokes sound HILARIOUS. XD
9. Their shoulders are perfect to cry on.
10. They may seem cold and expressionless, but they're BOYS - wild, rambunctious, fun, lovable, and always not what they seem to be. :D
Well, I never thought I would say this, but...HEY, I'M HAPPY. Who would have known?! Just when I thought I could never be happy again, something must've fallen from heaven and hit me on the head - WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE???? I leafed through the pages of my story - every page left me with a scar - and I saw what I had lost, and what I never had had. But, was that all? .... No, it wasn't. I never saw what I had gained, because all I could think of was how to bring back the things that had been mine. So, here's a little lesson about life: see only what you have, not what you had. Besides, FRIENDS AREN'T ALWAYS EVERYTHING; they're just part of your life, not all of it. So if you ever lose a friend or two...OR a bunch, don't feel too bad, because you'll always have new ones to fill the gaps.
JUST SMILE :)
Labels: no longer secrets, wimpi-ness |
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